Hot Chocolate, a Blanket, and Sleep (apparently)

Dr. Bateyko has prescribed as thus.  No idea if that is the right grammar but whatever.  The past few days have been sort of crazy.  This whole transition state is still getting to me.  I hate not being in one place or the other.  I mean, I am in one place, but it's like, I don't really feel a connection anymore since I know I'm leaving.

I'm totally psyched about my acting showcase, though.  It's in two weeks.  I'm doing two monologues, one from Antigone, and one from The Fantasticks.  I finally made a break through about some timing in the Fantasticks.   It's funny about Acting Class: I went in having had a miserable day, with a headache, kind of angry at the world in general, and after I figured things out and got up and loosened up and spoke a bit (well, after I shook off the stiffness of the day), I felt fine.  I mean, there was a lingering of dissatisfaction, but other than that, it was great.  I had a wonderful time doing improv and then I had an OK evening which was only made better by terriyaki sate chicken stuff from Morton's.

So, looking forward to chocolate, blankets, and movies at Dan's this weekend.  Oh, and Jen coming over Friday night.  Should be an exciting weekend.
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"It's when you snag your hand on a rusty nail when you realize life sucks, but reguardless of the pain, you won't bleed forever."
                                 Anonymous
“Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.”
                                  Denis Leary
And one I just really liked:
"We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and out little life,
Is rounded with a sleep."
                                From Tempest by William Shakespeare

Disney and Oscars

Wow.  A lot has happened.  This weekend feels like one of the longest I've had in a while.  Yesterday, Morgan and I went on a school trip together to Epcot for the day.  It was great, we just roamed free!  No check ins or anything.  We did Soarin' which was amazing, I totally recommend it, Test Track (of course), and Spaceship Earth.  The rest of the time we wandered around in the Countries.
We got somewhat matching necklaces in Mexico and I got a henna tattoo in Morocco.  It cost a fortune, but when in Disney, pay Disney prices, right?  Something like that.  At least I didn't get the parasol in France..
It was a fun but exhausting day.  And I think that exhaustion is kicking in now, as I type.  Just in time for the new week, ain't I lucky?

This evening, I unfortunately was unable to watch the end because I got sent to bed, but I caught the majority of the 80th Academy Awards.  Dad thinks Im silly for watching, but I get such a thrill from it, it's so weird.  They have these little flashback montages of winners in the past 79 (in this case) years, and seeing that gets to me.  It's my favorite part.  Makes me happy.  This time it sort of made me want to cry, but I have no clue why.  

Also, this is the first year that I have watched and really wished that some day I would be up there.  I watched Marion Cotillard go up for Best Actress in La Vie en Rose. It was her first nomination, I believe, and she obviously won.  She was shaking and crying and everything, it was wonderful.  And that's really what I would love to do some day.  When I saw that it all came to me..usually I am one way or the other: I can do this or Holy crap, I wont pull this off.  Tonight it was this..possibility but at the same time, this place that is so far off in the distance.

We'll see.
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And some Oscar quotes:

Jessica Yu, Best Short Subject Documentary, 1997 Academy Awards
"What a thrill. You know you've entered new territory when you realize that your outfit cost more than your film."

Humphrey Bogart, 1951 Academy Awards
"The only way to find the best actor would be to let everybody play Hamlet and let the best man win."

Good night, everybody.

Four Day Weekend

The much awaited four day weekend of Presidents Day finally came.  I had a pretty good time.  Here's is what happened.
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Day 1 (aka Friday):
I woke up sort of late.  I did some work, homework music etc.  Then I met up with Jen and Dan downtown again and we hung out at Patellini's for lunch.  Dan was being all grumpy, so he went back to the library after we had walked down main street.  In the meantime, Jen and I went to the toy store (at my request).  There, we got the great idea to buy facepaint.  The guy at the store was very helpful.  He showed us all the funny little toy things like the smoking baby, Marie Antoinette action figure with spring loaded head (that one was probably my favorite), all the special edition ugly dolls, etc.  So we ended up just buying a bright orange face paint marker thing.  Not too much mess although it took a few tries on my hand to get the consistancy right..  Jen and I painted each others' faces.  We each had a drawing on the middle of our foreheads (mine was a star, hers a heart), then we had dots on either side of that, then war paint under our eyes, dots on our noses and chins, and then Jen had a choker necklace of dots, and I ended up with a HUGE "S!" on my side (it was payback).  We tried to get Dan, but he was all NO.  Silly boy.  Then the three of us hung out and had tickle fights at 5 point park.  Afterwards, they walked me to Opera and then left.  At opera everybody was like, wow, where have you been, because of the facepaint, you know.  It was great.
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Day 2 (aka Saturday):
Tres boring.  I pretty much did homework all day, again, after a late start.  I wanted to finish that day.  I didn't.  Anyway, later, Mom and I went on a bike ride, and I swear, I hadn't ridden that bike in like...a year.  My butt still hurts a bit when I sit down.  It was fun though.  And it burned mucho calories, I am sure, which was good since I pigged out last night (but you'll hear about that later).  So now here comes the exciting part (I guess..).  After riding my bike, my legs pretty much couldn't hold me anymore; they had forgotten how to move in order to walk.  So I plopped down on the couch for the next...maybe 4-5 hours?  I know, disgusting, right?  When I went to bed, I had such a headache...it was gross.  I mean, not THAT bad.  But pretty bad.  Took a tylenol and went to sleep.  At 3 AM I woke up with the feeling that somebody was hammering a nail into my head.  It was probably the worst headache I have ever had.  I think it was from clenching my jaw (something Mama sometimes has trouble with in her sleep).  It was BAAAD.  Finally, I got back to sleep with the heat pack on my face.
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Day 3 (aka Sunday):
Woke up pretty nice and early (I mean, if ten is early..) and did homework.  I needed to do all my work because Dani was coming over for a sleepover that night.  Uneventful.  So she got here at four, then we went out shopping for food and to rent two movies.  I was so indecisive about what to get to eat, it was hilarious.  We ended up getting frozen pizza and chex mix.  The movies...we were supposed to watch four Heath Ledger movies, to sort of commemorate him etc etc but we only got through like 2 and a half.  We watched A Knight's Tale (neither of us had seen it), The Brothers Grimm (I'd never seen and she only once), and part of Casanova (an old favorite).  The one's I hadn't seen were pretty good.  Both a little....you know I mean they were sort of stupid, The Brothers Grimm in particular, but I still loved them.  It was bittersweet to see Ledger work.  Then we went to bed.
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Day 4 (aka Monday aka Today):
Woke up around 8, went out to breakfast (french toast made by Mama, totally delicious), then watched part of Casanova.  Then Dani's mom came and picked her up.  I set to tidying up some last things, reorganizing my purse and restocking the lead in my pencils and the paper in my notebooks.  It felt good to have that done.  Then I cleaned windows and dusted (we have a realtor's open house tomorrow, early).  My sister and her two sons are coming in this evening.  Well, tonight really.  They'll be here between 9 and 10.  I sort of have a hankering to meet a friend at Barnes and Noble later...we'll see what happens.

Oh, as I was cleaning windows this morning, a snake slithered up to my foot.  I didnt notice it and almost stepped on it, it got all up and hissy.  I gasped and jumped inside and slammed the door shut.  Mom was all what happened so I told her.  She was surprised that I didn't scream.  I don't really scream at things though...not that I cant be surprised.  I just jump, or gasp, or something like that.

Screaming is most unladylike.

And quote for the day:
"I want to die sleeping like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passangers in his car.."-Will Shriner
Morbid, isn't it?

Drifting

Dont get me wrong, it's not like I haven't been happy, but Im drifting.  Just sort of floating along.  I realized this when I was doing some math homework and realized that I didn't totally get the lesson and was basically just floating through it, throwing together what I could..

Today it rained.  Hard.  Adrienne, Emma, Maddison and I went out and danced in it during Dr. Dean's class.  It was amazing.  I got soaking wet.  Completely drenched.

I'm looking for cameo necklaces.  Wish me luck.

Soaring with Strawberries

I'm writing this entry over the few hours of baby sitting, so some of the new paragraphs will seem really random. It's probably because it was something I came up with 30-40 minutes after the last few paragraphs had been typed.
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Have I ever told you how much I love strawberries? I was just watching Across the Universe today and in the scene where he pins the strawberries to the canvas I was just...my mouth was totally watering. It was great. Now, whenever I see strawberries Im like WANT.
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I've recently been doing some deep thinking about my ideal friend, boyfriend, life, home, etc. etc. My ideal movie. And what's funny is that I think book that I am reading completely embodies my ideal movie. It has courtly behavior, charm, manipulation, power, historical dresses, love, and magic! How perfect, right? Unfortunately, they are already making a movie of the book soon, before I get to the hollywood scene. Too bad, eh? But we'll see, we'll see. Maybe it will fall through.

So in thinking about my ideal movie, I got to thinking about why I really want to do movies so much, why am I so intent about it? What about acting in movies is so appealing? Why movies over theatre? I have been in operas, and love the stage, so why should I prefer something somehow less personal in a way? I would answer some of these but I think I need a few more days to really mull over things and figure out good, sufficient, and worthy answers.

Having written this entry, I've realized what I'm doing with my time from now to the end of the year...I'm really working on getting everything. Getting myself. It's really sort of...not fun. Fun is not the right word. Great. Like I said, I don't know the right word...
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Jam sessions! That's something I've REALLY been craving. Just getting together and playing music and singing and everything...what sucks is most of my friends aren't EXACTLY the jam session type, hehe...but we'll see. Maybe something will come together. Fate has a weird way with such things.
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I love to sing. Just...soaring. Not necessarily opera. I was just singing along with some of the songs on the Across the Universe soundtrack...just have your sweet clear high voice flying over the land. Here is my imagination at work: I'm standing in a wheat field or something. All is golden, but for the sky, which is a beautiful shade of blue. The clouds are big and fluffy. And I'm singing. It starts with you just seeing me, but then you notice more people sort of emerging, as if out of the ground itself. You hear the beautiful harmonies. I don't really know what song we're singing. Something similar to Because, by the Beatles. It's beautiful. Enchanting.

Yeah, see those are the kinds of images I see that make me want to do movies and acting. To bring that kind of imagination to life. I would draw it but I can't draw to save my life, so. That's out of the picture..

I want to take a drawing class when I go to Deerfield, though. That would be really fun. I think it's something people should be able to do. I have heard that once you can really draw well, you view the world a different way. I suppose that's how it would be with any art. Everything seems like a dance, or a scene from a play or a movie, or a painting. You could even go so far as to say that the rumbling of the subway on its track is like the resonance of the low notes on a cello or a bass.

Happiness

...is a warm gun *bang bang shoot shoot*...

kidding, kidding.

Maybe you haven't gotten it yet. I had a good day. There was something about sitting in the sun with the warm air blowing on my face...I hardly ever take the time to enjoy that, Im always wishing for cold days. And I don't like hot weather, but when it's windy and sunny and clear blue skies...who can't be at least a little bit content, somewhere down there?

Don't get me wrong; I can find beauty in most meteorological situations (most being the operative word), but today....was just good.

And then, to top it all off, Dan gave me chocolate, which made it all better.

And my iPod is charged, so I can listen to music again.

Yeah.

Lost

As some of you may know, for the past few weeks I have been trying to catch up on the first three seasons of Lost so that I can get caught up for the season that jus started Thursday night.  Well guess what.  I did it!  I finished Season 3 about..5 seconds ago.  That's 69 episodes.  I am quite proud of myself, hehe.  So now, I can go about not planning how I can finish it in every spare minute I have.

That is, after I finish this season's premier. hehe.  it never ends, does it..

So, what have I been doing, then?

Not much, actually.  I've sort of been quiet, reading a lot.  I recently felt a change in everything.  It was interesting.  You know those moments where you feel like you suddenly see the world from a level/perspective which isn't entirely your own? You can't try to bring them about, it just happens?  It was like...my whole day was like that yesterday.  Today at fields was that way, as well.  Interesting, eh?  


The book I have been reading is called The Sweet Far Thing. It is part of a trilogy, along with A Great and Terrible Beauty, and Rebel Angels. They are about these girls in the Victorian times (1890s) and they learn secrets about this magical land called the Realms. They are very complicated, but go quickly. Reading them always makes me want to act all lady like and charming, just like when I am reading Jane Austen or watching movies from that time. It's funny, I act more gracefully, speak with more ease, etc. etc. Mum says I must act in movies and plays which take place in that time so that I may have all the fun and costumes without having to go through the hardnesses (toilet/showers/cleanliness issues mainly). She has a point. There is one character that I like to think myself similar to.


Other than that, my life has been pretty boring.  I've been trying to catch up on Lost.  I am on my 1st out of six episodes left.  Hopefully ABC won't take them off of the internet this weekend.

I've been doing some thinking about what my ideas are on existance, and God, and morals...stuff I love to discuss, but can never really make my mind up about.  So that's one of my goals.  Along with finishing up at least one of the three books I am reading...and being...more sensitive.

I'm not a very sensitive person.  That's my problem.  You can be so kind at heart, but if you aren't sensitive, then you don't show it..you might say the two go hand in hand, but that's just from looking at the outside of a person.  How would you know if they were kind, get where I'm going with this?  Yeah, so I guess just...little things.  I don't really know how to..plan it.  I love planning everything, but I have it upon something I cannot plan.  I have thought about different situations I could enter into..I have come up with maybe...three?  And how many little situations exist within a day?  Many more than three.  SO I guess at this point I am just taking life as it comes to me.  Which is a good way to live right now.  Like The Beatles said: And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong, I'm right where I belong, I'm right where I belong.

So we'll see how life turns out.  'Til next time...
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"May you marry a man who eats garlic at every meal!"-an insult from the book Im reading, The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray

Heath Ledger

As some of you may know, the actor Heath Ledger passed away at the age of 28 today.  In my superficial man-crazy ways, I decided to do a sort of tribute to him...I guess.  For the New York Times article about the whole situation, click here.  I feel for his 2 year old daughter, Matilda...poor thing.  Anyway, Ledger was in such movies as 10 Things I Hate About You, A Knight's Tale, Monster's Ball, Brokeback Mountain, Casanova, The Brothers Grim, and I'm Not There.  Not only was he incredibly good looking (most of the time...) but he was also a great actor.  His IMDB profile is here.  And here are some pics...


In Casanova


In 10 Things I Hate About You


Just..Being...


In Brokeback Mountain

And this one made me lol...

In The Dark Knight, a sequal to Batman Begins. I guess you could try to go as far as to say that the white face paint elevates his bone structure? Maybe that's a stretch.

Anyway, RIP, Heath Ledger.

Applications and Electricity

Damn. A moment ago, I spelled electricity "electricitree". *bangs head on table*

So we sent in the Deerfield Application today. Feels like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my shoulders. It's great, because last week when I was in school, I was so...lost and like...everything seemed hazy. Today the only thing that was hazy was my eyesight when the video we watched in Science class bored me to tears (aha, get it?). For example, last week we learned about the American West...pretty much the only thing I remember is that the Homestead Act was passed in 1862, and that e.e. cummings wrote a poem about Buffallo Bill. We didn't even study him...it is surprising that I got an 82 on the test. Whoopee.

As to electricity, I basically only put it in the title because I thought it was funny that I spelled it wrong in my notes..

Speaking of spelling...the word spelled. I always want to say spelt. I don't even know if it's wrong or right or...multi colored.

How strangely my mind works. Does that sound right?

Nyagashmega.


Instead of a quote, today I will leave you with an amazingly hillarious video. Just watch the whole thing...

Rain and Lost

It was just raining a second ago. I went out. Didn't dance, just stood there. I love the rain. It makes me feel so...its like it's totally ok if I get soaking wet. So I just stood there. And I got pretty soaking wet. I was wearing a cami and shorts, so I flet it drip down my arms..I love that feeling, of rain dripping down your arms, or legs, or neck, or face.

OK so now I can't seem to figure out how to un-underline my words...sorry everybody.

I've started watching Lost. yes, I have succumbed. Im in the middle of the first season. (btw, they have all three seasons online at abc.com right now, you know, leading up to the season 4 premier). It's really good. The guy who plays Jack, Matthew Fox, he went to the High School I am trying to get into, so there's a name I can drop.

I have to go print stuff out for my application. It's done. I am so happy.

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ha that looks funny. anyway, two rain quotes:

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning."

--James Dickey

This Sucks.

My dad had a 24 hr. virus the other day. Being sick, bed ridden, miserable, head ache, etc.

Tonight, my mom was painting, started to get dizzy, and is now in bed. I am working on my application/Bio homework. Silence mixed with the pleasant sounds of her being sick, as well.

So guess what? According to logical progression, I should be next. So what do I get to do? Wash my hands every ten minutes, pump in loads of Vitamin C, and wait. Sucks, because I have a terrible headache...

However, I am a sick person. This is because I had a thought that if I was bed ridden, puking, not eating, etc. I would maybe be able to lose some of the Holiday weight, and I would get a day to catch up on sleep.

I have a bad, bad mind. *slaps self across face* Bad Sarah.

Oh, to add on, I am extreeemely hyper. I think it might be because I am almost finished with this application, and I haven't fought with Dad about it yet tonight. An improvement.

And as to my prayer in my last post, things are going well. I haven't slipped yet. It was weird, I had such a bad feeling about how the year will go until about.....164 minutes ago. And then I realized that things aren't so bad, after all. So hopefully, things will just keep going up from here.

Oh, and good news. For the rest of the semester in Bio, we will be studying Human Biology. I am totally psyched. It's gonna be awesome.

And a quote...or two...
We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.

--C.S. Lewis

and...
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

--Albert Einstein

So. My second post of the year.

I started my year crying. Watching POTC3 and fighting with my mom. Then there was more work, more fights. Applications to fill out. Essays to write. Vocab to study.

And then there is the problem of whether or not I have changed. Last year was so screwed up for me. Started with bad teachers, then there was the problem of friends, then there was tricking myself into thinking I was hopelessly in love with somebody. There was the denial, the insecurity, the arrogance. The mask. The mask of flirty, obnoxious, better-than-you. So what has changed? I dont know. Over the summer I sort of..really got in touch with who I actually was in an environment that was not political, social, etc. etc. I learned a lot, I grew a lot. Then I get to school, and yeah, I changed. But I slipped. I kept slipping. People would treat me the way they would have treated the old me, so that made me act like i was the year before. And I don't mean to blame it on the people, it's my fault for not staying strong enough. But here we are, another break/change point in my years. A new year. On the Sunday night before going back to school, I pray for the strength to keep from putting on my mask again. Let me hold strong. Let me be who I am, who is kind, but strong. Proud, but empathetic. And let people get the message that I am not who they think I am.

On a lighter note, I have almost completely memorized my monologues for acting. Which is good. It only took me about an hour to get them pretty well down. Which is great because with this whole acting thing, my biggest fear is learning lines. I guess just...read it over and over and over again, then start working at chunks. It came so easily.

In order to take care of some house keeping, FYI the movie fell apart.

OK, here are some song lyrics of a song i totally love right now.
Du Og Meg by Of Montreal.
he fell in love with a boy
Who spoke a second language
And who lived across the ocean
In the evil empire

He awoke her sleeping heart
And swept away the darkness
An acute fear of flying
Couldn't keep her away

Oh, oh, oh

She landed on her feet
And joined his fledgling rock group
As they toured the evil empire
Selling t-shirts at the shows

She taught him what was real
She taught him he was okay
That his thoughts were not just rubbish
That he had something good to give

Still his heart was so ambivalent and hopesick
Of her he wasn't ever sure
But she gave in so sweetly that the spirit said
"Boy, you better go run to her (run to her)"

So when she split, he hopped on a plane
With his parents and his brother
He told her that he loved her
They were married in the summer

Oh, oh, oh

here's a link to the song itself.
http://www.myspace.com/ofmontreal.

Just go to the music player and click on Du Og Meg.

Happy New Year, Everybody.

Hope you all have a good time. Im going to bed.

Prime Outlet Mall

Some cousins and I went to the outlet mall today. It wasnt as great as I expected. THe stores were all pretty boring. Things like Banana Republic and Ralph Lauren Polo. Even the Gap was really annoying, with all these bright ugly colors...but finally i found a great pair of boots
, a 3/$10 deal on soaps at Bath and Body Works (I got Midnight Pomegranate, Japanese Cherry Blossom, and Sweet Pea), Lincoln Park After Dark (a really really really dark purple OPI nail polish)
and a ridge filling base coat for nail polish, and last but not least a Pirates of the Caribbean 3 DVD and the soundtrack of the first Lord of the Rings movie. It was good.

The family is leaving tomorrow. Its a relief in the way that i will finally be able to relax (even though i actually wont since I need to finish my application to Deerfield) but I loved having them here, it was so much fun. We had sushi tonight (except for me, because I hate sushi, I had teriyaki chicken) and Katie, Jess, and I painted our nails and watched POTC3. It was good. Oh, and we had Key Lime Pie.

I have GOT to clean my room RIGHT NOW because otherwise it wont happen.
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“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?"
-Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Family in town and impulsive bowling.

The other night was wonderfully fun. Began with watching my cousin playing Spyro on Playstation. Yes, the old spyro. Then we were just sitting around eating and talking about the craziest stuff...making fun of each other, being crazy. Then my oldest cousin's girlfriend came up with this idea that we would go bowling. This all went down at my Mom's cousin's house. Now, none of us had socks. We had to go to Target to buy socks, so we all picked some out and then we also got some for the guys, who had stayed in the car.
So we went bowling. It was so much fun. Totally hillarious. The girls and I were dancing and crazy and I was terrible, absolutely terrible, but there was this one turn i took where i was channeling some...bowling God or something, and i hit like...9 pins. Then it went back to normal and I sucked again.
After all this Katie and Jess slept over at my house and K and I knitted and sat around and talked and Jess went to sleep early. It was good.


Then today. Today, we went canoeing. Now, I had never really gone canoing before (how on earth do you spell canoing...) and so when my cousin and I got into the boat and had to row back across the widest part of the lake against the wind, all did not go well. Katie and I started yelling at each other and got really pissed. Before all this, we had been rowing along singing and zig zagging and at one point we were pushing of the ground because it was too shallow for us to paddle otherwise...but so we were yelling at each other and rowing across this lake..it was intense. We had lunch, which was ok, but heavy and then we went to see Sweeney Todd. As you know from my previous post, I loved this movie. Loved. They...did not. I felt really bad because i sort of dragged them into seeing it..and it sucked because..well whatever. It didnt go as planned. Today wasnt so great. Maybe we are all getting sick of each other. But either way, I am knitting a scarf for myself and it is coming along nicely.

I've recently been feeling more of my old romantic...whatevers. Now that I have pretty much finished my Application to Deerfield, I feel like I can devote more attention to somebody. The only thing that gets in the way is that right now I am feeling a little like everybody hates me, and damn that sounds really stupid, but I just feel...out of favor. Ah well, what can one do. And now I have a really...depressed cynical feeling that the next semester is going to be terribly boring. I mean, what is going to happen in such a time, and then Im leaving. God. I am depressed tonight. Dammit.

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'Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If I were that woman I would love him alone and forever.'
-Francesca Bruni (played by Sienna Miller) in the movie Casanova

Sweeney Todd

I just went to see it in theatre. Amazing movie. Great cast. Directed by Tim Burton, starring Johnny Depp as the title role, with supporting actors Helena Bonham Carter (who I absolutely adore), Alan Rickman (Professor Snape to the young ones, Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility to the young ladies), and Sacha Baron Cohen (also known as Borat). They all sing their own parts, and although Johnny Depp isnt exactly a broadway performer, I thought he did quite a good job. If you go to my profile and click on my myspace, i have a song that he sings as my profile song. All the actors did a great job. I cried at the end. I approached it as a love story, that is all I will say. It's to be expected with me, being such a romantic and all. The sound track is great. It is rated R for violence, and though the whole blood spurting thing is there, it is highly stylized. It's not like people being blown up by bombs, it obviously adds to the story.

So I recommend it. and I leave you with the opinion that Johnny Depp is smoking hot, even as a whacked out barber.

Oh, note to Cpt. Sparrow fans...the eyeliner has returned. Enjoy, loves.

Also, having now bought a few of the songs, I have decided that despite my general hate of Broadway, I would absolutely LOVE to play Mrs. Lovett in a stage production. Her character is so...creepy, but...real. So real. And her music, her vocal part, is so...weird. The harmonies in such songs as My Friends are absolutely wonderful.

Christmas

So again, it is Christmas. Nothing is open, and being a Jew, I just sit around. Today I'm working on my application to Deerfield. It's really exciting this whole application. It's due on January 15th, so I am almost done with it, after that I am pretty much free to do what i want (any old time). I mean, obviously i want to end the year with all As, but I can just sort of...relax a bit, you know? I've been under so much stress lately with this whole application thing. To have it off my back....it'll be grand.

So here I am, sitting blogging in my Pajamas drinking a cafe au lait thanks to my mum. I've been feeling more and more like I did over the summer, how I want to just fastforward to where I go to college and start to have my own life. Or at least until I get a car. The whole...freedom thing. I guess it's because i am feeling over protected these days. For example, my mum doesn't want me to see Sweeney Todd because she thinks it's too violent. Violence. It's what I've grown up with, Im used to it, it hardly fazes me. Plus, with Sweeney Todd, I honestly think it will be artistic blood use, seeing as it is Tim Burton. Stylized?

OK, so to add to the list of what I am doing, I am now listening to Christmas music. I do love Christmas. I mean, sure, I don't believe in the whole story, but the commercial element. I wonder if I would have liked to be raised with Christmas. But I don't think so. I mean yeah, it's great but it seems like much more of a burden than Hannukah. I'll just continue to enjoy it from the outside. Which is good enough for me.

Happy Christmas to all who celebrate it.

Bloody Contrast.

Wow. I had the two most different days in today and yesterday. Yesterday, It was cold, which was good, but I didnt wear a jacket, because i didnt think it would be THAT cold, so my arms were freezing. Then my earring fell out, and i was all bummed because they are my favorite earrings and it just sucked. I was so sure I would never find them. Then, I got dirt all over me at fields, then I felt like I failed an American History test, then I had to write an essay in Dr. Dean's class. So I went home and I hurt my hands piping chocolate ganache onto cakes for my teachers. I did get a 110 on my Math project, but I kind of excpected it so...


Then today, I found my earring and helped my friend understand translating and transcribing DNA in Science class, I think I did really well on my French midterm part 1, I sang beautifully in Orchestra, I did well on the review for my Math Midterm, then I had fun at fields, then I got a 92 on my History test and an 80 on my Grammar test! Which is surprising because the past two grammar tests I got a 73 and a 74...so then I came home and had a great recording session for my Brahms Sonata to send to Deerfield for my application, and it was all good.

I wonder if I would like good days as much if they were every day. You know what they say, not having something makes it all the better when you do have it. Or whatever. I guess that's how it is. Even though it would be damn nice if every day were like today was.

Oh, but wanna hear the list of things on my mind?

Application to Deerfield, which entails
Music Recordings
cello
singing
Application Essay
Keeping grades up
Teacher Recommendations
Hoping that my SSAT scores are high enough
Getting everything done and ready to turn in by January 15th.
Moving
Keeping friends in order (not that that takes much. Just your usual 8th grade BS)
Maintaining a Social life (or being in denial about having one)
Keeping peace with my parents (see above parentheses)
Eating healthy (aka not falling into the Holiday Calory Fest, which I am already guilty of)
Cousins coming into town (so not really something to worry about, but its on my mind)
Oh, and maintaning my sanity would be good. Despite my recent emotional break down.

So despite all this, I am still pretty happy a lot of the time. There is this one kind of annoyingly vicious cycle where I get kind of bitchy when im stressed, then my friends get mad at me, then I make excuses, then they get more mad at me, then I get mad at them for not cutting me slack and it ends up snowballing into a big ball of viciousness. But then days like today come a long and its all good.

As is my usualy, I leave you with..well not a quote, but a movie. That has had me laughing for a good amount of time now. About 2 weeks.



VOLDEMORT'S NIPPLE!!!!!

The terms that I hate. Part I.

So in my dealing with people, in my conversations, in my readings, I have come across things I really can't stand. Terms and words and phrases and punctuation marks. I give you now a beginning of a list of terms i hate. Part 1.

-Semicolons. I know this one is used a lot, but they really bug me. Just...annoying. The weird bit is that I use them a lot. I mean a looot. I quote Kurt Vonnegut:

"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college."

-Complexes and Disorders: In all my talkings with Dan, I have realized that i dont really like the whole classifying people into different disorders. I mean, disease I can understand, but with the mind, how can you get so specific that you can group two minds together into one group? Isn't the mind so individual (unless you've been brainwashed by aliens, of course) that it should be nye impossible to group them together under one basic label.

-the word Analyze: It's so useful, which is annoying, but it seem so objective and impersonal.

-The words mature and immature: Again, useful at times, but it is hard to be clear about whether you mean it to have positive or negative connotations.

-Backpacks: another very very useful thing, but they bug me because they make my dresses ride up when I wear them.

-The spelling of weird. "I before E except after C", right? WRONG.

SO that concludes my list of terms that I hate part 1, and here is another quote that i love...

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now? "
--John Lennon

Nobody Knows Me.

It's true, and it sucks. Not to get all emo on you, but I am such a drama queen that I always tend to put on a different face at school, a different one at opera, a different one with family, etc. It's not that i have been covering u myself, its more like...i accentuate different facets of my personality depending on the environment, you know? It's not a fake me, its just not the whole picture of me. So, my new goal is to always expose my whole self, all facets incorporated, etc.

Im worried that you dont understand what i mean by different faces. Do you take it as putting on a mask? Because that's not what it is, it really isn't. I guess...how can i put it better. It's...so say im this person, who has a hyper side, who has a quiet side, who has a cruel side and who has a kind side. In one envronment, i would be cruel, in one, quiet, in one kind, in one hyper, get it? It isnt different versions of me, its me but only part of me.

So since that is all cleared up, lets talk about finding who i am, as a whole. From what I have found (and bare in mind, i am as confused by all this as you are, unless you're Dan who studies my "mannerisms" so he probably has more insight than i do...depressing, eh?), I am this...quiet person. I know, right? Quiet? WHAT? Sarah! Nah. But really, i am sort of quiet, but i can be loud. Like, when im loud, im loud. Right? Get it? I hope so, but to tell the truth, if i were reading this and not writing, it, I probably wouldn't get it. Anyway, I can be cruel, but I really am quite compassionate. Again, this may be surprising to some of you, but whatever.

Now that I've figured this stuff out, my new goal is that I expose this person. So wish me luck, and here is a quote:

"Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back."--proverbial

Ha, Right.

I have this terrible problem where i have this huge burst of energy to do something but then it dies down slowly and finally im just like...uh...nevermind. It happens with so many things. Homework, healthy eating, and writing movies. I can't write a movie. Not enough patience. I can act in them but i CANNOT write them. It's insane. I just..I hate what I write, it seems so cliched and just annoying. So yeah, for now the movie thing is off. Which is kind sad because it would have been loads of fun, but maybe we can just mess around with a camcorder and some free time.

Also, I have been having some sort of an emotional break down this week, its kind of weird, but i realized two seconds ago as i was typing that that I can look at myself and sort of think about it. I mean, obviously, its going to be biased, because its still me thinking, but i do get sort of an outside view. ITs as if somebody with the exact same morals and ideals is looking at me. Aaand that was kind of off topic, but whatever. It's like my dreams. I do that in my dreams. I sort of...I see my dream as a movie but then there are two mes, the one in the movie and the one watching the movie so i have two separate trains of thought running at the same time. Its pretty wild.

Do you ever have different dreams in the same location, and tha location is one that might not exist, or that you have never been to before? That happened to me, it was this HUGE mall, and i had a dream about it about a year ago, and then another like two nights ago. the plots were different, so its not like it was a rerun. Ha. Plots, reruns. Yeah, I refer to my dreams as TV shows.

Where' the clicker for my eyelids?

Ok, I cant end an entry with that sentence, it's way too lame. I do that a lot. Oh, I know what I can talk about. So it bugs me when people are like, "Oh, I'm so crazy, I'm seriously going insane" and I am totally guilty of this, but the thing is, crazy people dont know they're crazy, so how can you say you are going crazy and really be going crazy? Also, its like, crazy as opposed to what? Normal? What;s normal? ISn't everybody a little bit of crazy?

And I can't think of a nice witty thing to end with so i will end with these quotes:

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
--Goethe

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.
--Aristotle

CHANUKAH

IS TONIGHT. Yay.

Chag Sameach.

You know, last night I tried to count the ways of spelling Chanukah.

Hanuka
Hanukah
Hannuka
Hannukah
Chanukah
Channukah
Channuka
Chanuka
Hanooka
Channooka

lol at the last two.


Damn, I have no life.

Anyway, all you Jews out there (or observant..Christians...um..) have a good Holiday. Even though it technically hasn't started yet..

AS OF TONIGHT, have a good Holiday.

Making of a Movie, Part 1

So If you read my last post, you will know that I have been considering making a movie. Well, now I intend to put my plan into action. I am working on the script right now. I have probably gone through like 4 different beginnings, but I couldn't quite get it down. I am posting the script as we go along on my sister blog, so check it out if you want. Anywaaaay. So I want to sort of document how it is to make a movie as a teenager. Who doesn't have loads of money. I am very much looking forward to it, but there are some things I wonder about, like whether or not I could get away with filming stuff in stores downtown. And the whole writers block thing...ugh. But I am slowly making my way there. Another thing is, I will be working on it at school and people will be like, oh, I wanna be in it and im like uh, we aren't that close, and Im trying to keep it small. Maybe I can write another character in. It is tought to be honest. But I obviously can't lie about something like that, it just wouldn't work. So anyway, whoever is reading, stay tuned for more!

And now, for a regular blog blurb:

Im still feeling lost. The writing is good though becuse it allows me to sort of get away in my own way. And it will be something to put on my resume.


That is all.

I have had a brilliant idea.

I want to make a movie. With my friends. How much fun would that be? I was thinking about my friends...we have a writer, a few actors, an editor, a location person, a director, a camera person. I mean, what else do you need? I dunno how long it would take. I assume that if I kept people going, not that long.

I can't think of ideas to start writing, because I would love to write it, with help from out resident author, Jen. I have editing stuff on my computer, my Mac. We could film some at school, some at peoples' houses, some around town. Just for fun. It would be something I coud add to my resume, lol! I think it would be fun, but I dont know how my friends will react. And I would have to convince my dad to get a camcorder. But we could make it work. Anyway, wish me luck.

Trapped

I have this feeling like Im inside a cage. But not a cage. Like, im trapped but not in a cage. Or rather, the whole world is a cage. I feel like there is something knawing at my side and no matter where I go, I will not be able to escape it, not the mall, not Barnes and Noble, not Paris, not even Massachusetts. I have no idea what this monster is but it is new to me, and i intend to wallow in it so that i can sunddenly trap it and find out what it is.

Realizations

I have realized a few thing...

1. Flames are absolutely entrancing; you could stare at them for hours.
2. Semicolons are totally useless. ugh.
3. the moon on a clear night is also amazingly entrancing.
4. Acting is what I want to do for the rest of my life and it scares the hell out of me.
5. If I dont succeed at something, I sometimes end up rivaling against myself to win at the second try, to prove to myself that i can do better. But only sometimes. Never with the important stuff.
6. I have really twisted ideas of how to make people think what I want them to think, and it is a 50/50 chance of working or not.
7. number 6 made no sense at all.
8. I really love doing geometric constructions.
9. I want to do an art photoshoot. Wouldn't that be fun?
10. I have no other realizations.
11. JUST KIDDING! I can't stand when people spend their whole day on myspace posting stupid bulletins.


Ok that's really it.

11/21-11/23 2007

I havent been keeping up with things. I feel bad. So now, I am going to give you a day by day account of what has happened since wednesday.

So Wednesday morning, I got up and started getting ready for my party that night. It was rather uneventful. I fought with the parental units about music practice, as usual. I cleaned. I did get my brows waxed that morning (ouchy). then I baked a cake. Jen showed up early, and Dan showed up earlier. So we were just sitting around, right, and I was decorating the cake. I started to run out of time, so I couldn't finish decorating so I left it to my mom while I did makeup and got dressed. I wore a tres cute outfit...black tights, red silk dress, black wedg-ishes, a silver lacey belt.

That isnt that great a pic, but whatever, gives you and idea. So the party was great. Mostly. I had a weird time in the middle somewhere where I kind of freaked out about moving. Honestly, I started crying, and sort of...well not having a fit, but I couldnt breathe calmly and it was just really intense. Nobody saw though. After that i guess I kind of got it all out of my system and was a lot more in that dancing high party mode. It was good. So anyway, we had cake, everybody loved it, and Kira was taking all these pictures. It was pretty good. It was a formal ish party, so we had steak, pasta, and salad at a nice table with table cloths and realy plates and silverwear and candles and roses and everything. It was really nice. Then everybody went home and I went to sleep.

The next day, Thursday, I didnt do much. Watched Lord of the Rings 1, which was a present (well, the trilogy). Worked on projects. Practiced. OH YEAH! Thursday was Thanksgiving! So I went to this dinner, where I didnt REALLY know the people there...but the food was good and I got to watch Bourne Supremacy, even though I hadnt seen Bourne Identity. But whatever.

Yesterday, I woke up kind of late...watched the episode of Grey's Anatomy I had missed the night before, worked on some projects, and then i cleaned out my bathroom. Rather, my mom cleaned out my bathroom, and i told her what to throw away and what not to. But it had a really crazy effect. I am now hving a sort of emotional break down about moving. Its so crazy, I mean, I have all these friends and connections... and I am sure it is the right thing to do, but it is so daunting. Then I watched both Lord of the Rings 2 and 3. I cried at the end of 3, I always do..But this time I kept crying. I am just...im going craaazy!! I need to do something calming. I dunno waht though. and of course, my parents wont take me seriously. I try to tell them about these kinds of things, and they are great and help me when I have a fever, or when I am throwing up, but when I say I need some kind of mental health day, they just...its like they dont know what it is. But whatever. We will see if the weekend goes better.

So now, I will leave you witht the question of the century. Its complicated, so pay attention. You are going to move at the end of the year. You love this one person, lets call the person Person X. You are kind of sure they like you back. So you have two choices: Tell Person X you love him or her, or don't. If you do tell Person X, he or she will either admit to their affection for you, or reject you and leave you broken hearted and confused. If you dont tell him or her, you will always live wondering if something could have happened there. What do you do?

BTW, this is not a current situation of mine, it is a past one.

Dearie me.

Birthday!

So. I am now 14! It took a while for me to get a blog down on it but anyway, here it is..

So I will go over my weekend. I woke up and my Dad made me bacon and jelly omelettes (emelettes with jelly--yeah it sounds gross but it is actually really good), and while we ate it we listened to The Best of Cream. It was kind of hilarious. Anyway since then I have been kind of obsessed with Cream, and like..listening a lot. OH and the stuff my parents got for me! My mom was out of town, but she left stuff with dad to give to me. Mum gave me some Betsey Johnson earrings and dad gave me a portable water color set, it is so cute! So moving right along, my Grandfather then picked me up and we went shopping. I was looking for a new dress, and Doc (my grandpa) found one that I totaly love, red silk. Tres gorgeous. We also went to Mac (makeup) and I got a makepver, and it was sort of intense, but I ended up buying the lipstick and the eyeshadow and the lip liner. Then on the way out I got some perfume. It was so much fun, trying to find a dress with Doc and just having fun and stuff. Really good times. So then i went home for about an hour and got ready for Katie's party. There I did this Ouija Board thing, it was really wild. Strange, strange feeling. I think there is some validity in it all, I mena, it answered questions that nobody else on the marker moved. The party was fun, that was basically all I did.

Then on Sunday, I practiced music and stuff, and Dad and I went out to lunch at Mel's DIner, which is a really cute little place. We went home ad I baked cupcakes for my Drama class and for mum. I hardly got a chance to frost them! Then I went to my dad's art class and sat around doing nothing. It was pretty fun. Well, I did talk to my friends on the phone, finished homework, and started The Big Lebowski (which is an awesome movie, btw, go rent it). I also ate a whole sleeve of ritz crackers, it was terrible. After the art class we went home and I finished frosting the cupcakes, and then we went to pick mom up from the air port. I ended up getting to bed at like..midnight and waking up at like 7:30, and then falling asleep again until 10 of 8.

Today was pretty good. Its kid of relaxed these days since tomorrow is essentially Friday because of Thanksgiving. We watched a video on the Donner party today in History. It was really crazy. Would you eat your friends if you were really depsperate? Jen was asking that ALL DAY. I would not be able to bring myself to kill my friend, but if she died naturally, and I were REALLY desperate, I would probably eat. But cancel cancel, seriously! That would be so miserable, I would definitely be scarred for life.

Middle School Dance 1, '07

Oh my GOD! I just got back from the dance, which was so amazing!

So now that we are at the top of the pack, the eighth grade, we can do whatever the hell we want. we dont have to try to be cool to get in with the eighth graders, or whatever...it's amazing. Like, so much fun! I was thinking I wouldn't go, but with my party animal friends, it was totally amazing. Morgan and Jen taught me to pop lock and drop it but apparently im not that good at it because I am too graceful, like a ballerina.

I requested Material Girl and Blister in the Sun, but they didnt play them.

So what else..that's all I remember.

All my love to whoever's reading, and remember to be happy tomorrow because IT'S MAH BIRFDAY!!!! THAT's RIGHT!

Peace
Sarah

Cleaning the Closet.

That is the task I have been working on for quite a long time. Its tough. Lots of nostalgea. Lots of throwing things away. Lots of little critters that have been hiding. Actually, there has been a surprising deficiency of little critters, thank God. I went through my dress up box. I looked at all my beanie babies. Its so intense doing all this. Im almost done, and then I get to study for bio! WHOO! But I have a bit more tidying to do. CLoset is looking great. I made a playlist to listen to while ceaning or exercising. Lots of upbeat songs. Material Girl is on it. I was in all these dress ups I found dancing to Material Girl. It was amazing. Maybe it burned off the three donuts I had today. Ha. And my skin is clearing up which is awesome! But anyway, I am so tired after last night's party. I kep worrying that my nose is broken, but I think it would be hurting a LOT more if it were broken. I read about this woman who just found out last year that she had broken her nose in 2002. That was creepy. I was like, crap. And my whole body aches from falling so much. It was all totally worth it though.

What a day...

So it all started when I woke up at like 6:30 in the morning to take the SSAT to get into Deerfield Academy next year, and it was really intense. I had a dream that there would be five people there and guess what...THERE WERE 5 PEOPLE THERE. WOOOOH. So the test seemed pretty easy. We'll see when we get scores back. I'm pretty sure I did well. So that was like 9-12 ish. Dan was there..he ended up running into his old friend from St. Stephens, so they were all like Woo! and then we went out to lunch, Dan, his friend, his mom, my mom and me. First Watch. It was fun. We ended up leaving the mothers talking and going to Publix and wheeling Dan's friend around in a wheel chair because he "stubbed his toe". It was amazing. So then I was really tired. I went home and I ended up having to shave my legs because I had a pool party that night, so I was bummed. So I shaved my legs.

Then the party.

The wonderful AMAZING party.

It was a pool party, and Im not gonna say whose it was just in case people are like meh i wasnt invited, which would be stupid anyway but WHATEVER. Anyway. It was a salt-chlorine pool, so when I got out it was all screwy with my just shaved legs. It stung like hell. But it was so much fun in the pool...there was this big like floating matress...and me andi and Adrienne all got on it...and we couldnt stay on and it was fuun. FINALLY Jen showed up with Morgan, who crashed, and then Federico showed up eventually too. So it was basically me, Fed, Jen, Morgan, Adrienne and Andi the whole time. It was way fun. So we ate and played this game and then we all went out to the trampoline.

The trampoline.

So we were on the trampoline and so insane..we were like buzzed on life. There was no drinking or drugs, I assure you, but we were all acting totally insane. It was amazing. So all this stuff went down...One was when three of us were lying next to each other and FEDERICO JUMPED OVER US!! His elbow hit my nose, and it hurt like HELL. It is so bruised. It hurts to itch it. Gah. Its gonna be a balloon tomorrow. So then we were jumping around and like pretending to do these like tribal crazy cannibal dances...it was great. Fed went crazy. CRAY ZEE. He was like dancing around with his shirt over his face and stuff..it was so funny. He kept trying to do flips but it didnt work...and all of this felt like so trippy because it was on a trampoline so the whole world was spinning etc..it was awesome. So we were just like so crazy..and then Jen had to go home. It was tres sad. But then it was Fed, me, and Adrienne and Andi, and so it was still fun, but we missed Jen. We were still crazy. So then me and Adrienne went home with Katie and Alexis.

OH and there was this one time where I had to get back into the house, and the door to the screen porch was locked, so I was begging Luke to let me in because he was playing ping pong, and I was all like Let a woolf in! and Katie was like, who would let in a wolf..and I was like LET A VERY VERY NICE WOOLF IN!!!

Man, it was just so amazing...I am so crazed right now. Exhausted. I had such a huge day. It feels like the weekend is over..and I have homework, a test to study for, History questions to do, AND a monologue for acting. Whoopee. AND to top it all off, my mom is leaving for a week tomorrow. She's going to miss my birthday. It makes me really sad, but I'll ne OK. I'm gonna miss her.

So that was my day...yeah.

I feel bad.

I havent blogged in a while. But after this Saturday, I will be back at it. I have this big board test on Saturday to get into Deerfield next year. Tres exciting. Anyway, life is pretty good in general. I am having kinda crazy bouts of bi polar ness. Like, happy sad happy sad happysadhappysadhappysad you get it. Grey's Anatomy is tonight, and I have to finish work before I watch, so I really cant write anymore. But I will leave you with a tres cute story..

This past Saturday, I took a walk in my neighborhood, starting around 8:15 and ending around 10:30. I went up to my bus stop and then over to Barnes and Noble when it opened for coffee. It was so much fun...out of the 14 people I saw, 7 said hello, 3 nodded, and 4 didn't acknowledge me at all, despite walking a foot away from me. Strange, eh?

I'm reading A Separate Peace...everybody hates it I think, but I actually really like it. Gasp! No surprise though, I loved Lord of the Flies, and everybody last year didnt like it...whatever. I am the girl-who-reads-Jane-Austen.

Halloween Pics...

Sorry about the turning the head thing...that was what I wore to school.
Inspiration:

Outcome:



Then later that night as Elizabeth Bennet...The actual costume I took off too quickly that night, so here is the unfinal product and the hairstyle. Again sorry about the turning..




It was a fun day. The Twiggy Costume was SO much fun to wear...It has given me a great love of the 60s..art and fashion. And of course music..What a fun time! It felt like everybody just did what they wanted. Except for that nasty little war we fought over in Vietnam. Well, every age has its drawbacks, eh?

Painting, I Ching, and Sanskrit.

I am really getting into Indian and Hindu culture and religion. So today, I was bored, so I drew on my white board an ohm symbol surrounded by a lotus, and then I wrote the Hare Krishna mantra in english on top and in sanskrit on the bottom. It was very interesting writing in a language I dont know. I sort of got to know some of the symbols and what they sounded like..mum came in and was all, how does that affect your Judaism and I thought about it. My approach is that all monotheistic religions (and Hindu because it is basically one God with many manifestations) have the same deity, whether they call it Allah, Adonai, God, Krishna, whatever! Anyway, it is all the same thing, just different approaches to the rituals and concepts surronding that God. So I really take it as being religiously diverse, I suppose. I embrace asoects of other religions and sort of adopt them into the mosh pit that is my religion. Dont even get me started on all the details. So I had this awesome picture on my whiteboard and I was like, hey, this is a whiteboard. It will be erased someday. So, I got out my paints, and painted it, with a few minor changes in color and medium. I had so much fun that I also made a painting as a tribute to John Lennon, and another one where I wrote that E.E. Cumming poem, I carry your heart, on a piece of paper in thin sharpie and then I painted differen symbols for love from different parts of the world. I have a western symbol, and African symbol, the chinese symbol, and an ancient Egyptian symbol I just threw in there. These are the symbols...

Western: I did a simple heart.

African: this weird moon and star thing, but not like the Islamic one...It's called an Osram Ne Nsorama..


The Chinese symbol: just google image chinese love symbol..

and the Egyptian symbol is a triangle. Triangles were apparently thought to symbolize knowledge and capacity, the capacity to learn and to love and to feel etc. So it's not directly a love symbol, but it is sort of.

I think my favorite is the ohm. The lennon thing is cool, and the love thing is...meh. It;s ok. whatever. A good idea, but didnt totally work the way I planned it.

Then my dad taught be how to do I Ching, which is this crazy cool fortune-telling type tap-into-the-chi-around-you-and-let-it-guide-you-in-making-the-right-decision thing. You throw coins and different patterns tell you what kind of line to make, and once you have six lines drawn, you go back to the book and look up the number of the line pattern and then you see what it all says. Tres cool. I was too tired to do it tonight.

I look forward to tomorrow, a day of baking cupcakes, carving punpkins, and studying for SSAT.

Aaaah, geek-hood...

So I am most definitely a geek for a number of reasons. The only one necessary for this post is that I am totally in love with the Lord of the Rings books. I mentioned in a post a while ago that the composer of the opera we are doing at the end of the year (The Hobbit) is a totally awesome geek, adn that he looked up the elven-tongue language to write some songs from the opera in it. So I, being me, did some research and I found the name of the language is Sindarin. It is the language that the elves adopted when they came to middle earth. Before that, they spoke quenya, which in their opinion is more beautiful. Anywho, I was looking for pictures of the runes that sindarin is written with, and I found this picture...



I said to myself, if I thought I was a geek, I was nowhere near where these peopel are. This is apparently a picture from http://www.tolkiensociety.com/. The woman is teaching these people how to speak sindarin.

"Pedich i lam edhellen? I eneth nin Riwen Craban Rovan-Hu."
which means...
Do you speak Elvish? My name is Crowned Maiden Raven Wild Dog."

Ok so, what I did was Sarah means princess right? So there you go, crowned maiden. Then my middle name means raven, and my last name came originally from wolfovitch, so I just took wolf and i couldnt find wolf so I made it wild dog.

Man, I think I have too much free time on my hands, or something..

INSPIRATION...from..somewhere..

I have decided that I should have some consistant theme to my blog...not like a theme like ht mustache blog from my last post, but maybe how to survive life in general, and i could throw in tips randomly at how to survive things...as I come across things in life I will help my audience (if i is in existance) understand how to get through it too..

Or I could just start posting lots of pictured of men's facial hair in the 1800s...



so its not the 1800s but its cool.

PostSecret

So I dont know how much you look at postsecret.blogspot.com, but it is such a cool site...try it, they update on Sunday mornings. That and I found this blog about mustaches in the 19th century..http://mustachesofthenineteenthcentury.blogspot.com/ Very entertaining.

I wish I had the energy to start a blog about something meaningful. Instead of just my life. Not like anybody reads it anyway. Except for my silently onlooking mother. Thanks, Ma! Anyway, I had this thought that maybe someday I would just start up an anonymous blog about like...how I go about becoming an actress, or something like that. In the mustache blog it makes it sound like a constant adventure that somebody goes on to strive to discover more about the 19th centuty mustache. How cool! I feel sort of lame doing a blog that isnt important or anything. I mean, hardly anybody reads it, so why bother? I have like..over 80 entries, most of which have never been read, I suppose...but enough self pity.

I took a grammar test, a history test, and a geometry test today. Last night I was up until two because I couldn't sleep. Just staring at the ceiling, you know? It suuucked. And Im kind of angry at the world right now. I hate myself for it, I feel lik such a coldhearted bitch.

I have been thinking lately about how I will work my way into the social ladder at my new school next year. Who will I try to make friends with? Who will I avoid? Will there be any love at first sight? Sorry, had to throw it in there...



I have had this weird feeling that I want to strangle everybody in sight. I think it's called PMS. I was weird today. Tres bipolar and mood swing-y. But Opera was great! I met the composer of the piece we are peforming at the end of the year, Dean Burry, he is soo COOL! He is like..such a geek, and I mean that in the absolute best sense of the term. The music is incredible, all weird and dissonant, and crazy..but still totally gorgeous and magical, which of course it should be since it is an opera of The Hobbit by Tolkien..But he wrote a song in the opera in ELVISH! OR ELVEN or Elvish tonge or whatever it is called. It has a name, I dont remember it though. I am so excited about the whole thing, I can hardly contain myself.

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pros and Cons of 10-20-07

Cons:
1. I ate too much sugar and not enough healthy food.
2. I ran the money on my debit card down.
3. I found out my ex friend gave me a blank gift card. Cruel.
4. I shopped for a cross pendant! (they werent for me, with a friend for a different friend)
5. I found out I cant have a Halloween party..
6. My iPod wont load songs that I have in iTunes and I dont know why.
7. I had to do prep for the SSAT.
8. I killed my hand doing exercises on the cello.
9. Turns out I dont fit into the size of dress at Macys that I thought I would fit into (sigh).
10. My mom wont let me bake tomorrow.
11. My dad stopped me from watching Star Wars Episode III so that he could watch the Baseball game. I mean, he never watches baseball, but I guess there is some sentimental connection since it was the Red Sox and all.

PROS!
1. I bought two new shirts and a necklace.
2. Despite eating too much sugar, the sugar was in the form of delicious middle eastern pastries with cashews in them.
3. Even though I didnt fit into them, the dresses I tried on were all truly heinous, so it doesnt matter.
4. I approached life with my new seize-any-opportunity-that-comes-your-way-and-live-impulsively-within-reason thing. That's why I was trying on ugly dresses that I wouldnt buy anyway at Macy's.
5. I rocked out to Oh Darling! in the car with my mom.
6. I got to eat falafel and greek salad from Sahara!
7. I watched Sixteen Candles. What an awesome movie!
8. I got clear on something that I needed to know for the SSAT and am now quite confident about it.
9. I got to go to the mall. Which actually wasnt so great, a tad bit disappointing, but I did get stuff on sale, so thats always good.
10. My mom likes what I got.
11. I cleaned my room. Always makes me feel important to walk into a clean room...
12. I made some little decoration things...little black cut out rats that I will put on the walls and wait to see what my parents say..
13. I got to watch Bridget Jones' Diary too, which always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
14. I got girl talk time with Melody when we went shopping at the mall. Tres fun.

So today was a good day.

Soul Mate

NOTE: THIS POST IS FROM A WHILE AGO, IT ENDED UP BEING SAVED AS A DRAFT, SO HERE IT IS...

OK. This whole post might sound like a cliche. Anyway, I was thinking last night about my dream guy, you know to get to sleep, and I had this immense happiness at the thought, but I also felt empty somehow. Then, for just a moment, I felt like I was...whole again. God, this sounds so..made-for-TV-movie. Whatever. Anyway, it was this strange feeling that I was in touch somehow with whoever my soul mate..(AUGH THIS IS GETTING GROSS). But you guys get it. Right? It was really weird. DO you believe in soul mates?

Wouldn;t it be funny if your soul mate was like..some person who would totally not be fit for you according to today's social standards? Like, they are in their 80s and you are in your 20s...hm.

Holy crap

the funniest thing just happened. OK, so Dan was like, here is a quote I like:

"The stupid man talks about people. The Average man talks about events. The Intelligent man talks about Ideas."

SO I was like

"The Woman can talk about all three and still command respect"

SO he said that he saw it as...

"The stupid man says 'That person is a loser.' The Average Man says 'Did you hear what that person said?' And the Intelligent person says 'Why would that person do that?'"

So then I came back with "that is exactly how my rants go! For example...

"Ugh, that girls is such a bitch. I can't believe she said what she said...I mean really, why would she say something like that?!"

*basks in own brilliance*

So I am going to interview myself.

Name: Sarah
Dream Profession: Film or TV actress
Describe yourself in one word: Indescribable
Three material things you like: Roses, Cake, Music (is that considered material?)
Three things (anythings) that you hate: Ignorance, rap, arugula.
What do you think is the meaning of life: I think that the meaning of life is to create as much peaceful good joy in the world (as opposed to sadistic joy).
Who are your heros: Seriously? Be prepared. OK. God, Queen Elizabeth I, John Lennon, Tim Gunn, Jon Stewart, Dr. Dean, The great grandmother I never knew (baby when she died. She sounds like she was an incredible grandmother, the kind I want to be, plus the whole jewish grandmother bit that I will play), Ingrid Michaelson, Mozart, Beethoven, Puccini. To name a few.
Favorite Music Genre: Musi of the Indie/Alternative persuasion...
Current Favorite Quote: I don't think I've ever had a toilet orange..."-Dr. Dean

Halloween.

Halloween is the most awesomest holiday. I mean, seriously. What other holiday can you get dressed up, look like a fool, act like a fool, eat lots of candy, and be able to get away with it? For somebody who loves to play different roles, Halloween is heaven. I was talking about me. So the one thing I hate is living in Florida, because Halloween is HOT! Like, Temperature!! Stupid. I bought the Halloween issue of Martha Stewart Living. I am such a Martha Hoor. I love all her stuff at Michael's... Halloween also brings on "the Holidays," which is always good.

I heard somewhere that lots of suicides take place during the Holidays. I think that would be because they are under so much pressure from having to entertain their families. I know for some people, just BEING around their families is insanely trying. I love my family. I mean, yeah, there are a few who get on my nerves, but I bet there are a few on whose nerves I get on. Yeah. So if I were going to choose a time to commit suicide, it probably wouldn't be during the Holidays. I mean, how distasteful! Here you are, your whole family is there, and what would be more scandalous and embarassing! I guess if I were suicidally depressed I wouldnt really give a damn...but still. That would put a damper on things, no? AND, I am pretty sure committing suicide is like...extremely bad with regard to Karma. Unless you dont believe in that kind of thing. WHich you might not if you are suicidal. Most of the people I know who believe in Karma are pretty happy people. That is probably why they believe in Karma! Like, a cycle. If you are happy, you are like, oh, it's because of Karma! and If you believe in Karma, you will always try to do good things, which will make you happy. Get it? (now you say "got it" and then I say..) Good. Haha, you will totally be like wtf when you read that if you haven't seen the Court Jester. Anyway, I would probably commit suicide when I was bored. If I did commit suicide. Which really isnt something I am considering.

I read this thing the other day and it was about what a friend is at different stages of your life. It mademe think about all the friends I am leaving by moving. I am so ready to move though. I am just...I dont know. Sick of Florida. I guess you could say I am bored, but I wouldnt put it that way. It seems a bit crude. I am taking the SSAT in a few weeks. It seems really easy, but I am still a little worried.

OH OH OH I am putting up Halloween decorations this weekend..and have I mentioned that I am an amazing baker and decorater of cakes?

Worthlessness

The other night, I felt this sudden, terrible feel of worthlessness...it is a selfish fear, I kow, but I was scared that all of thee things I have planned for myself, all these things I want to do, places I want to see, and people I want to meet...I wouldnt be able to do, see or meet them. I am ambitious, I do expect a lot from myself, and I am strong willed, but I am scared, as well. I mustn't let this fear get in my way, though. I am doing great in acting, I am hopeful for the future, I have faith in myself.

I think what mya have brought it on was watching a DVD of the memorial concert for George Harrison, Concert for George. The whole thing is so great..it is all of his friends and son performing different music he wrote. Some people who took part in it are his son, Dhani, his fellow Beatles, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, Eric Clapton, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Ravi Shankar and his daughter, and so on. Here is the end, including some final words from Dhani and Paul. Note: Olivia was Geroge's wife.



It made me cry the other night.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable! But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

I love that movie. I think I like the old one better than the new one, less creepy, but the new one is great as itself, as opposed to a movie based on a book, and Johnny Depp is a great actor, so who could complain, right?

Top Shop.

http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/TopCategoriesDisplay?storeId=12556&catalogId=19551


Go ahead. Explore a bit. I swear to God, when I am a rich and famous actress, I will seriously do all my shopping there. Well, not all, but a lot.

Have I mentioned..

how divinely happy I am? I feel as if a weight of bricks has been lifted from my shoulders...I haven;t been actually carefree and happy in...almost a year? It's wonderful. Wonderful.

Except right now I am exhausted and have a killer headache. Ah, life..

Please, accept...

my apology for saying pwnage (crap, I said it again) in my previous entry. It just...came out.

Again, please accept my most heartfelt apology. Is that the right usage? Either way..

PIRATES!

Sarah is so amazing, so she decided to take a crossword puzzle about the constitution and fill it with the word pirate or pirates or pirate! or pirates! Isn't that amazing? I think so...

I know it's hard to see and it's backwards and all, but try, try to see it. Haha, look, there's my eye!!! Heehee...and my sucky manicure...OK, back to studying for bio and history. Woot!

I memorized ALL the presidents. In order. pwnage.

Holidays

They need to hurry up and get here. And it is waaay too hot for October. Seriously.
I mean, I have all this fall stuff I want to wear, and can I? NOOOOOO because stupid Florida is stupid HOT.AAAAUGH!

Love Sucks.

I mean, really. There is this brilliant line in Moonstruck that says "Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!"

It explains it perfectly. Love sucks. I can really say no more. But let me tell you, falling out of love is hard to do.

Life

Is good. I am happy, and that makes people around me happy, which makes them like sitting with me, which makes me happy, which creates this huge snowball of joy. Yay snowballs of joy! I baked more muffins. They are now...

CONFUSION MUFFINS!!!!!

They are whole wheat spice, with allspice and cinnamon and nutmeg. the batter is tasty, I dunno how the muffins themselves will turn out. Will post pics later. But yeah, they are confusion muffins. Because people are being confusing. It was really funny. So my grandma is staying with me while my parents are in France, and we were wondering where the word allspice came from, and apparently, allspice is supposed to smell like a mix of the spices cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg. Interesting, huh? I'm sittint here and there are all these amazing smells wafting over from the oven...reminds me of fall. I think I have found my new recipe. We have been baking a lot today. My grandma's mother cooked and baked a lot, and she has this big recipe box, which my mom got. I have never really looked through it, but today, Grama madean apricot jello salad thing and it looks really good, the recipe was her mother's from said recipe box. If only it were in the low 60s outside, that would make all these smells so much more appropriate...

I need to go to bed but...

I'm happy. I am really happy. And Grey's Anatomy started, which makes me happy, but also makes me sad. But I am confused. I think I might be covering confusion with blond happiness. I dunno.

But I need sleep, and this I know. G'night.

Yom Kippur 2007

So this year was the first year I fasted. I didnt totally make it through. I had some cheddar bunnies, but that's it. However, as I was standing at Ne'ila, the conclusion service of the holiday, I had this weird feeling of this energy coursing through my veins. It was insane because I was standing there (you stand for the whole service of ne'ila) and I felt like I would either pass out or throw up from my head ache, and then there was this energy. It made me feel weak.
Weaker than I already was...Then I was reading this prayer and my mom leaned over to me and said that the poetic english translation only seemed right when it was fall, because it was talking about closing gates and a close to the year, and with fall being the season that Yom Kippur usually falls in it all felt right with the days getting shorter and the colors and everything. Now I will announce that I am moving next year to Massachusetts. It will be hard, but it is the right thing for our family to do now. All my friends--I will miss you all, and I will come back and visit. Anyway, in past years, that poem-prayer thing never really affected me, but no I really started to miss fall. I mean, maybe you dont miss it when you know you can;t have it, but once you know that youw could, or that you will have it, just not this year, you miss it so much. That's what happened. I felt so sad, I started to tear up. Then we read Avinu Malkenu, and I just wanted to cry...It was amazing. I really felt more connected to God than I ever have in the past. I felt all this renewed trust and faith in God. It was amazing. Mom said that I got out of the High Holidays what everybody wants to get but doesn't necessarily.

So yay.

More emotion muffins

I am turning into Izzie Stevens. I lie on the floor when I'm depressed and I bake muffins...4 dozen was my total count today. This weekend was 5 dozen plus a batch of cookies and some really gross brownies.



those were the only good ones. ^^^

The vanilla is the best. So I am now officially a muffin and cookie and sometimes bread person.

Poetry

So my English teacher assigned us to projects.
1. Write a poem about an inanimate object small enough to fit in your closed hand.
2. Write a poem inspired by another poem.

I have taken this to heart. I have decided that throughout the year, I will write poetry and put in cool fonts and colors and everythig and then at the end of the year I will bind it all..

So yay for Sarah.