Yom Kippur 2007

So this year was the first year I fasted. I didnt totally make it through. I had some cheddar bunnies, but that's it. However, as I was standing at Ne'ila, the conclusion service of the holiday, I had this weird feeling of this energy coursing through my veins. It was insane because I was standing there (you stand for the whole service of ne'ila) and I felt like I would either pass out or throw up from my head ache, and then there was this energy. It made me feel weak.
Weaker than I already was...Then I was reading this prayer and my mom leaned over to me and said that the poetic english translation only seemed right when it was fall, because it was talking about closing gates and a close to the year, and with fall being the season that Yom Kippur usually falls in it all felt right with the days getting shorter and the colors and everything. Now I will announce that I am moving next year to Massachusetts. It will be hard, but it is the right thing for our family to do now. All my friends--I will miss you all, and I will come back and visit. Anyway, in past years, that poem-prayer thing never really affected me, but no I really started to miss fall. I mean, maybe you dont miss it when you know you can;t have it, but once you know that youw could, or that you will have it, just not this year, you miss it so much. That's what happened. I felt so sad, I started to tear up. Then we read Avinu Malkenu, and I just wanted to cry...It was amazing. I really felt more connected to God than I ever have in the past. I felt all this renewed trust and faith in God. It was amazing. Mom said that I got out of the High Holidays what everybody wants to get but doesn't necessarily.

So yay.