February 26, 2008

Hot Chocolate, a Blanket, and Sleep (apparently)

Dr. Bateyko has prescribed as thus.  No idea if that is the right grammar but whatever.  The past few days have been sort of crazy.  This whole transition state is still getting to me.  I hate not being in one place or the other.  I mean, I am in one place, but it's like, I don't really feel a connection anymore since I know I'm leaving.

I'm totally psyched about my acting showcase, though.  It's in two weeks.  I'm doing two monologues, one from Antigone, and one from The Fantasticks.  I finally made a break through about some timing in the Fantasticks.   It's funny about Acting Class: I went in having had a miserable day, with a headache, kind of angry at the world in general, and after I figured things out and got up and loosened up and spoke a bit (well, after I shook off the stiffness of the day), I felt fine.  I mean, there was a lingering of dissatisfaction, but other than that, it was great.  I had a wonderful time doing improv and then I had an OK evening which was only made better by terriyaki sate chicken stuff from Morton's.

So, looking forward to chocolate, blankets, and movies at Dan's this weekend.  Oh, and Jen coming over Friday night.  Should be an exciting weekend.
"It's when you snag your hand on a rusty nail when you realize life sucks, but reguardless of the pain, you won't bleed forever."
“Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.”
                                  Denis Leary
And one I just really liked:
"We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and out little life,
Is rounded with a sleep."
                                From Tempest by William Shakespeare

February 24, 2008

Disney and Oscars

Wow.  A lot has happened.  This weekend feels like one of the longest I've had in a while.  Yesterday, Morgan and I went on a school trip together to Epcot for the day.  It was great, we just roamed free!  No check ins or anything.  We did Soarin' which was amazing, I totally recommend it, Test Track (of course), and Spaceship Earth.  The rest of the time we wandered around in the Countries.
We got somewhat matching necklaces in Mexico and I got a henna tattoo in Morocco.  It cost a fortune, but when in Disney, pay Disney prices, right?  Something like that.  At least I didn't get the parasol in France..
It was a fun but exhausting day.  And I think that exhaustion is kicking in now, as I type.  Just in time for the new week, ain't I lucky?

This evening, I unfortunately was unable to watch the end because I got sent to bed, but I caught the majority of the 80th Academy Awards.  Dad thinks Im silly for watching, but I get such a thrill from it, it's so weird.  They have these little flashback montages of winners in the past 79 (in this case) years, and seeing that gets to me.  It's my favorite part.  Makes me happy.  This time it sort of made me want to cry, but I have no clue why.  

Also, this is the first year that I have watched and really wished that some day I would be up there.  I watched Marion Cotillard go up for Best Actress in La Vie en Rose. It was her first nomination, I believe, and she obviously won.  She was shaking and crying and everything, it was wonderful.  And that's really what I would love to do some day.  When I saw that it all came to me..usually I am one way or the other: I can do this or Holy crap, I wont pull this off.  Tonight it was this..possibility but at the same time, this place that is so far off in the distance.

We'll see.
And some Oscar quotes:

Jessica Yu, Best Short Subject Documentary, 1997 Academy Awards
"What a thrill. You know you've entered new territory when you realize that your outfit cost more than your film."

Humphrey Bogart, 1951 Academy Awards
"The only way to find the best actor would be to let everybody play Hamlet and let the best man win."

Good night, everybody.

February 18, 2008

Four Day Weekend

The much awaited four day weekend of Presidents Day finally came.  I had a pretty good time.  Here's is what happened.
Day 1 (aka Friday):
I woke up sort of late.  I did some work, homework music etc.  Then I met up with Jen and Dan downtown again and we hung out at Patellini's for lunch.  Dan was being all grumpy, so he went back to the library after we had walked down main street.  In the meantime, Jen and I went to the toy store (at my request).  There, we got the great idea to buy facepaint.  The guy at the store was very helpful.  He showed us all the funny little toy things like the smoking baby, Marie Antoinette action figure with spring loaded head (that one was probably my favorite), all the special edition ugly dolls, etc.  So we ended up just buying a bright orange face paint marker thing.  Not too much mess although it took a few tries on my hand to get the consistancy right..  Jen and I painted each others' faces.  We each had a drawing on the middle of our foreheads (mine was a star, hers a heart), then we had dots on either side of that, then war paint under our eyes, dots on our noses and chins, and then Jen had a choker necklace of dots, and I ended up with a HUGE "S!" on my side (it was payback).  We tried to get Dan, but he was all NO.  Silly boy.  Then the three of us hung out and had tickle fights at 5 point park.  Afterwards, they walked me to Opera and then left.  At opera everybody was like, wow, where have you been, because of the facepaint, you know.  It was great.
Day 2 (aka Saturday):
Tres boring.  I pretty much did homework all day, again, after a late start.  I wanted to finish that day.  I didn't.  Anyway, later, Mom and I went on a bike ride, and I swear, I hadn't ridden that bike in like...a year.  My butt still hurts a bit when I sit down.  It was fun though.  And it burned mucho calories, I am sure, which was good since I pigged out last night (but you'll hear about that later).  So now here comes the exciting part (I guess..).  After riding my bike, my legs pretty much couldn't hold me anymore; they had forgotten how to move in order to walk.  So I plopped down on the couch for the next...maybe 4-5 hours?  I know, disgusting, right?  When I went to bed, I had such a headache...it was gross.  I mean, not THAT bad.  But pretty bad.  Took a tylenol and went to sleep.  At 3 AM I woke up with the feeling that somebody was hammering a nail into my head.  It was probably the worst headache I have ever had.  I think it was from clenching my jaw (something Mama sometimes has trouble with in her sleep).  It was BAAAD.  Finally, I got back to sleep with the heat pack on my face.
Day 3 (aka Sunday):
Woke up pretty nice and early (I mean, if ten is early..) and did homework.  I needed to do all my work because Dani was coming over for a sleepover that night.  Uneventful.  So she got here at four, then we went out shopping for food and to rent two movies.  I was so indecisive about what to get to eat, it was hilarious.  We ended up getting frozen pizza and chex mix.  The movies...we were supposed to watch four Heath Ledger movies, to sort of commemorate him etc etc but we only got through like 2 and a half.  We watched A Knight's Tale (neither of us had seen it), The Brothers Grimm (I'd never seen and she only once), and part of Casanova (an old favorite).  The one's I hadn't seen were pretty good.  Both a little....you know I mean they were sort of stupid, The Brothers Grimm in particular, but I still loved them.  It was bittersweet to see Ledger work.  Then we went to bed.
Day 4 (aka Monday aka Today):
Woke up around 8, went out to breakfast (french toast made by Mama, totally delicious), then watched part of Casanova.  Then Dani's mom came and picked her up.  I set to tidying up some last things, reorganizing my purse and restocking the lead in my pencils and the paper in my notebooks.  It felt good to have that done.  Then I cleaned windows and dusted (we have a realtor's open house tomorrow, early).  My sister and her two sons are coming in this evening.  Well, tonight really.  They'll be here between 9 and 10.  I sort of have a hankering to meet a friend at Barnes and Noble later...we'll see what happens.

Oh, as I was cleaning windows this morning, a snake slithered up to my foot.  I didnt notice it and almost stepped on it, it got all up and hissy.  I gasped and jumped inside and slammed the door shut.  Mom was all what happened so I told her.  She was surprised that I didn't scream.  I don't really scream at things though...not that I cant be surprised.  I just jump, or gasp, or something like that.

Screaming is most unladylike.

And quote for the day:
"I want to die sleeping like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passangers in his car.."-Will Shriner
Morbid, isn't it?

February 12, 2008


Dont get me wrong, it's not like I haven't been happy, but Im drifting.  Just sort of floating along.  I realized this when I was doing some math homework and realized that I didn't totally get the lesson and was basically just floating through it, throwing together what I could..

Today it rained.  Hard.  Adrienne, Emma, Maddison and I went out and danced in it during Dr. Dean's class.  It was amazing.  I got soaking wet.  Completely drenched.

I'm looking for cameo necklaces.  Wish me luck.

February 09, 2008

Soaring with Strawberries

I'm writing this entry over the few hours of baby sitting, so some of the new paragraphs will seem really random. It's probably because it was something I came up with 30-40 minutes after the last few paragraphs had been typed.
Have I ever told you how much I love strawberries? I was just watching Across the Universe today and in the scene where he pins the strawberries to the canvas I was just...my mouth was totally watering. It was great. Now, whenever I see strawberries Im like WANT.
I've recently been doing some deep thinking about my ideal friend, boyfriend, life, home, etc. etc. My ideal movie. And what's funny is that I think book that I am reading completely embodies my ideal movie. It has courtly behavior, charm, manipulation, power, historical dresses, love, and magic! How perfect, right? Unfortunately, they are already making a movie of the book soon, before I get to the hollywood scene. Too bad, eh? But we'll see, we'll see. Maybe it will fall through.

So in thinking about my ideal movie, I got to thinking about why I really want to do movies so much, why am I so intent about it? What about acting in movies is so appealing? Why movies over theatre? I have been in operas, and love the stage, so why should I prefer something somehow less personal in a way? I would answer some of these but I think I need a few more days to really mull over things and figure out good, sufficient, and worthy answers.

Having written this entry, I've realized what I'm doing with my time from now to the end of the year...I'm really working on getting everything. Getting myself. It's really sort of...not fun. Fun is not the right word. Great. Like I said, I don't know the right word...
Jam sessions! That's something I've REALLY been craving. Just getting together and playing music and singing and everything...what sucks is most of my friends aren't EXACTLY the jam session type, hehe...but we'll see. Maybe something will come together. Fate has a weird way with such things.
I love to sing. Just...soaring. Not necessarily opera. I was just singing along with some of the songs on the Across the Universe soundtrack...just have your sweet clear high voice flying over the land. Here is my imagination at work: I'm standing in a wheat field or something. All is golden, but for the sky, which is a beautiful shade of blue. The clouds are big and fluffy. And I'm singing. It starts with you just seeing me, but then you notice more people sort of emerging, as if out of the ground itself. You hear the beautiful harmonies. I don't really know what song we're singing. Something similar to Because, by the Beatles. It's beautiful. Enchanting.

Yeah, see those are the kinds of images I see that make me want to do movies and acting. To bring that kind of imagination to life. I would draw it but I can't draw to save my life, so. That's out of the picture..

I want to take a drawing class when I go to Deerfield, though. That would be really fun. I think it's something people should be able to do. I have heard that once you can really draw well, you view the world a different way. I suppose that's how it would be with any art. Everything seems like a dance, or a scene from a play or a movie, or a painting. You could even go so far as to say that the rumbling of the subway on its track is like the resonance of the low notes on a cello or a bass.

February 06, 2008


...is a warm gun *bang bang shoot shoot*...

kidding, kidding.

Maybe you haven't gotten it yet. I had a good day. There was something about sitting in the sun with the warm air blowing on my face...I hardly ever take the time to enjoy that, Im always wishing for cold days. And I don't like hot weather, but when it's windy and sunny and clear blue skies...who can't be at least a little bit content, somewhere down there?

Don't get me wrong; I can find beauty in most meteorological situations (most being the operative word), but today....was just good.

And then, to top it all off, Dan gave me chocolate, which made it all better.

And my iPod is charged, so I can listen to music again.


February 02, 2008


As some of you may know, for the past few weeks I have been trying to catch up on the first three seasons of Lost so that I can get caught up for the season that jus started Thursday night.  Well guess what.  I did it!  I finished Season 3 about..5 seconds ago.  That's 69 episodes.  I am quite proud of myself, hehe.  So now, I can go about not planning how I can finish it in every spare minute I have.

That is, after I finish this season's premier. hehe.  it never ends, does it..

February 01, 2008

So, what have I been doing, then?

Not much, actually.  I've sort of been quiet, reading a lot.  I recently felt a change in everything.  It was interesting.  You know those moments where you feel like you suddenly see the world from a level/perspective which isn't entirely your own? You can't try to bring them about, it just happens?  It was like...my whole day was like that yesterday.  Today at fields was that way, as well.  Interesting, eh?  

The book I have been reading is called The Sweet Far Thing. It is part of a trilogy, along with A Great and Terrible Beauty, and Rebel Angels. They are about these girls in the Victorian times (1890s) and they learn secrets about this magical land called the Realms. They are very complicated, but go quickly. Reading them always makes me want to act all lady like and charming, just like when I am reading Jane Austen or watching movies from that time. It's funny, I act more gracefully, speak with more ease, etc. etc. Mum says I must act in movies and plays which take place in that time so that I may have all the fun and costumes without having to go through the hardnesses (toilet/showers/cleanliness issues mainly). She has a point. There is one character that I like to think myself similar to.

Other than that, my life has been pretty boring.  I've been trying to catch up on Lost.  I am on my 1st out of six episodes left.  Hopefully ABC won't take them off of the internet this weekend.

I've been doing some thinking about what my ideas are on existance, and God, and morals...stuff I love to discuss, but can never really make my mind up about.  So that's one of my goals.  Along with finishing up at least one of the three books I am reading...and being...more sensitive.

I'm not a very sensitive person.  That's my problem.  You can be so kind at heart, but if you aren't sensitive, then you don't show it..you might say the two go hand in hand, but that's just from looking at the outside of a person.  How would you know if they were kind, get where I'm going with this?  Yeah, so I guess just...little things.  I don't really know how to..plan it.  I love planning everything, but I have it upon something I cannot plan.  I have thought about different situations I could enter into..I have come up with maybe...three?  And how many little situations exist within a day?  Many more than three.  SO I guess at this point I am just taking life as it comes to me.  Which is a good way to live right now.  Like The Beatles said: And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong, I'm right where I belong, I'm right where I belong.

So we'll see how life turns out.  'Til next time...
"May you marry a man who eats garlic at every meal!"-an insult from the book Im reading, The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray