So. My second post of the year.

I started my year crying. Watching POTC3 and fighting with my mom. Then there was more work, more fights. Applications to fill out. Essays to write. Vocab to study.

And then there is the problem of whether or not I have changed. Last year was so screwed up for me. Started with bad teachers, then there was the problem of friends, then there was tricking myself into thinking I was hopelessly in love with somebody. There was the denial, the insecurity, the arrogance. The mask. The mask of flirty, obnoxious, better-than-you. So what has changed? I dont know. Over the summer I sort of..really got in touch with who I actually was in an environment that was not political, social, etc. etc. I learned a lot, I grew a lot. Then I get to school, and yeah, I changed. But I slipped. I kept slipping. People would treat me the way they would have treated the old me, so that made me act like i was the year before. And I don't mean to blame it on the people, it's my fault for not staying strong enough. But here we are, another break/change point in my years. A new year. On the Sunday night before going back to school, I pray for the strength to keep from putting on my mask again. Let me hold strong. Let me be who I am, who is kind, but strong. Proud, but empathetic. And let people get the message that I am not who they think I am.

On a lighter note, I have almost completely memorized my monologues for acting. Which is good. It only took me about an hour to get them pretty well down. Which is great because with this whole acting thing, my biggest fear is learning lines. I guess just...read it over and over and over again, then start working at chunks. It came so easily.

In order to take care of some house keeping, FYI the movie fell apart.

OK, here are some song lyrics of a song i totally love right now.
Du Og Meg by Of Montreal.
he fell in love with a boy
Who spoke a second language
And who lived across the ocean
In the evil empire

He awoke her sleeping heart
And swept away the darkness
An acute fear of flying
Couldn't keep her away

Oh, oh, oh

She landed on her feet
And joined his fledgling rock group
As they toured the evil empire
Selling t-shirts at the shows

She taught him what was real
She taught him he was okay
That his thoughts were not just rubbish
That he had something good to give

Still his heart was so ambivalent and hopesick
Of her he wasn't ever sure
But she gave in so sweetly that the spirit said
"Boy, you better go run to her (run to her)"

So when she split, he hopped on a plane
With his parents and his brother
He told her that he loved her
They were married in the summer

Oh, oh, oh

here's a link to the song itself.
http://www.myspace.com/ofmontreal.

Just go to the music player and click on Du Og Meg.