March 08, 2008

A Babysitting Post about God

I spent the afternoon with Dan at Barnes and Noble. We looked at books and magazines, drank coffee (I got a caramel frappuccino with an espresso shot--totally amazing), and talked about God, existance, religion, psychology, and philosophy. It brough up the need I have been feeling for a while of getting a clear idea about who MY God is. For me. And also to basically develop opinions on life and existance and all of those good things. Such an enterprise requires me to form an opinion on all kinds of concepts. Oh, and I want to start meditating. I am at the section of Eat Pray Love where the writer is at and Ashram in India. She meditates, chants, and cleans almost all day every day. She talks about what she finds out about God for herself and how she is getting in touch with herself and all these things and the whole time I'm thinking I want to do that. Obviously, I can't just pick up my life and go to an Ashram in the middle of nowhere in India for four months but I can meditate, and read, and work towards enlightenment. I want to go to Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. I want to meditate with mantras. I want to do all of this. It was this crazy yearning. I want to feel that power I felt on Yom Kippur this past year when I was about to pass out from hunger but couldn't have, even if i wanted to because something not entirely "myself" was keeping me up. Also, I think meditation would be great for balancing out my emotions and everything for Deerfield.

I want--no I need a full understanding of myself and my surroundings. I YEARN for that. And I will have it. Eventually.

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