March 20, 2008

Looking for God in nooks and crannies.

That's basically how it's working. I'm not really doing anything organized, just sort of absorbing things where they pop up. I pieced together some of my thoughts though to form an idea about the spiritual universe: it's all different contortions and densities of energy. By that, I mean that a) it can be twisted into negativity, positivity, anything and b) it comes in different levels. My example for density is the same as my sketchy blueprint of my idea of God: God is the most dense being. God is an ever replenishing body of energy, and if a human were ever to reach such a state through meditation or something, they would just...explode into the Void, whereas humans, crystals, healing herbs, protective symbols, they all have lesser amounts of energy. And this energy, this Qi, this Dust (reference to the Phillip Pullman books, "The Golden Compass", "The Subtle Knife", and "The Amber Spyglass", great books, go read them), whatever you want to call it is the intangible thing that every religion worships and respects. It's the binding, the common thread throughout all religion. I know this is totally jumpy and rambling, but another bit about God, about what would happen to you if you did reach that high an energy level (these are quotes from my diary, so I am reading and making it shorter and more explanatory for my readers): One would be overwhelmed to a state of nearly nothingness from the sheer and literal "grace of God".

I am really looking forward to going to Israel. More so than before because of an idea I just came up with. I'm going to this place where God is like...I dunno for me, in a way Jerusalem and God are somewhat synonymous...not that that's the only thing thought about in Jerusalem, it's just such a religious confluence of God worshipping people and that made no sense, but I think it made myself clear haha. So anyway, my new thing is that I am looking for God in nooks and crannies, which basically means that I am living life normally, except that I am stretching a little further into the little corners to see what I can pick up. Like I said at the beginning.

Guys, I am so sorry I am like repeating myself and rambling. I had a frappucino with a shot of espresso, I am in a high from piecing together my ideas about Energy, AND I am having moods swings these days, so all of these combines are like...my typing is...insane. Just yeah.

So anyway, back to less metaphysical concepts: I have a new addiction to lounge music from either modern times (meaning contemporary lol) or from the 60s. Like, 60s french lounge music. *love* So I am putting together a playlist of lounge, comment me with recommendations if you have any thanks.

Back to the God thing, I am so happy I put this together. Like I said, it sort of has me on a high. For the past few weeks since I had my one sided talk with God, I have been...frustrated, and angry, which really shouldn't be how it is. In this book I am reading, Eat, Love, Pray, the writer is hanging out with a Balinese medicine man who tells her that to meditate in the Balinese way, one must not be serious like the Indian Ashram was. Not that that is a bad thing, you just need a balance of the serious and the joyous. The wonderful example the medicine man gave to the writer was "Smile in your liver." I am feeling guilty that I am not totally happy in this search for God. I guess it's because I am impatient, which is something I need to deal with. I need to get over myself. God will not be rushed! haha. So I am only now realizing that I can't be frustrated with myself if I can't find God in a matter of days. It's a lifelong search for some people; others never really find out, but enjoy the quest anyway. Sort of like that saying, It's not the destination, it's the journey or whatever.

I love how this book has inspired me to go figure out all of this stuff.

And tonight I had a nice long chat over takeout chinese with my dad about this stuff. I have never done that before, and it felt great, like somebody is in my side (sorry, Dan, but you don't believe in this stuff, so you're not exactly as supportive as one could be. I love you.).

OK, Lost is almost on, I gotta go.